there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
