Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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