we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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