ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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