I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
