Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
