Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
