my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
