there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
third nipple confirmed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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