meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
