I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
