The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
