Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
