her facebook's as public as her vagina
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
then he tried to convert me to islam
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
