apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
