I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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