'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
