i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
