yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
