um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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