I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
