Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
