dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
