Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
