Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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