bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
