you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
