Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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