I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
