great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
