Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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