I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to be your penis for a week.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
