You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
