I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
