OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
