Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
