woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want a musical about memes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
