Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
