what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
