farters have to be the big spoon...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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