he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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