Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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