dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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