He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
