I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
