my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
