I'm gonna have a badass scar
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
