You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
