watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my sisters under your porch take her home
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
