so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
