plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I stole a fireplace last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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