Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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