I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
