I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
